


Voices of Love and Hate

by Err_REDACTED



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bad Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I was really tempted to say "we die like Tommy's parents", Minor Character Death, No Beta We Die Like Henry, Suicidal Thoughts, Techno Isn't the Only One that Hears Voices, Tommy and Tubbo are best friends, Tommyinnit's Parent's, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29204349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Err_REDACTED/pseuds/Err_REDACTED
Summary: A look into why the discs are more important to Tommy than Tubbo was.-------------“This discs were worth more than you ever were!” he cries.I’m sorry. He thinks. I love you.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	Voices of Love and Hate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SomethingOfFandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingOfFandoms/gifts).



> I wrote this in like an hour and a half. It's 11 pages long.

Phil had always known he’d wanted a kid. Living the life of an adventurer, he had long ago accepted that it would never happen, and adopted several dogs who could keep up with the lifestyle. He had something to take care of. It was fine. But he knew he wanted to raise a kid of his own one day. So when he found a small basket at the foot of a bastion remnant one day, he probably paid more attention than he would have otherwise.

Urging his horse forwards, he headed towards the broken nether portal and hopped off to take a closer look. Inside was a baby. Clearly abandoned. At first he looked like a piglin, but upon closer look, it was obvious why the baby was left here in the first place. Phil briefly curled his lip at the implication before making a decision. No human would want this baby because of his piglin nature and no piglin would want the baby because of his human traits. He would take the baby in himself. Raise him as his own. Teach him how to survive. Be a father.

What the fuck do piglin-human hybrid babies eat?

Phil quickly grew to love the baby, and the baby, now a child, loved him back in the best way that a piglin could. With the dogs and a quickly growing child and the constant mock sword-fights, it was increasingly clear that Phil’s little cottage was not enough, so Phil pooled together all of his savings from his time adventuring, as well as his own hard work and made a new house. It was expansive but homey. Something whispered in his mind that this would be his forever home. He tried to ignore how real that whisper sounded for a thought from his own head.

Technoblade tried to ignore the voice telling him to break the windows of the new house.

It wasn’t too long later that the small family would gain another addition. With a lifestyle like Phil’s you get to know a lot of people, and one of those people was Selene. Highly paranoid and aggressive at times, sociable and naïve at others, Phil was surprised when she whispered him someday, asking for a favour. They meet in person and Phil is surprised once again with the sight of a heavily pregnant belly.

“You took in that other kid-” she starts. “And you have the space.”

Phil watches as her eyes dart around frantically.

“I can’t take care of a kid. Not when I’m throwing a fit every other day. Today is a good day. Please. Take care of my unborn child. I don’t trust myself.”

Phil says yes.

He’s unsure of the thought of raising another kid next to Techno, but on the day that Selene goes into labor, little baby Wilbur is accepted into the family. 

Wilbur was a difficult child, emotional and determined. Phil worried that he might inherit his mother’s illness, but it never seemed to go that far, and he eventually found his outlet in music.

Phil had never intended to get a second child and still trained with Techno a lot, but he eventually grew to love Wilbur too.

As Wilbur grew up, he had voices to ignore too. A constant whisper in the back of his mind that all the training the other two did would accumulate in him getting stabbed one day. That he wasn’t wanted like Techno was. Some days it was easier than others. And so the boys grew.

Technoblade, at this point, was an adult. 20 years old, he set off a lot on his own, raiding villages. He and Phil would often disappear for weeks at a time, adventuring. Wilbur was 15. Wilbur was 15 and he felt  _ weak. _ He hated how dependent he was on someone he didn’t trust. (He tried to remind himself that there was no reason for that. It was just the voices again.) He hated how every other day was a toss up on if he loved his idolized his father or feared him. He hated how he had nothing of his own. Nothing he could control.

At this point he recognized that his thoughts were taking a bad turn, so he grabbed a sword and went for a walk to clear his head. Phil and Techno were gone, but they wouldn’t care anyway.

So he went for a walk in the night air, lost in his own head and trying to push away the bad thoughts that he knew, logically, weren’t true. The farther away from the house he got, the better he seemed to feel, and soon enough, the traitorous voices seemed to disappear entirely. He was wholey jolted out of his musings though, by the sounds of a small cry to his right. A small, decidedly human cry.

✱✱✱

  
  


Tommy was a rambunctious little boy. He was energetic and bubbly, and everyone in the village seemed to love him. You could hardly go anywhere without hearing his laugh, or expertly maneuvering around the small 7 year old’s path. Some of the older people in the village used him to help gather supplies, and Tommy, with his never ending well of energy, was all too happy to comply. His parents often asked him to go berry picking in the nearby forest. Tommy’s life was a happy one. His mother and father trusted him and loved him, and he loved them with all his heart. There was never a doubt that here, in the small village? That was where he belonged. He contained this spark of energy- of sheer determination that said he could do anything he set his mind to. And right now, that mind was set on picking berries. His mom said they’d make a pie tonight, and Tommy wanted the best berries he could find.

  
  


The two lovers watched as their young son disappeared into the woods and sighed, releasing a tension from their shoulders that they’d never show to their child. The village already knew of their plight but Tommy? Tommy couldn’t know. He’d kill himself trying to save everyone, and while Tommy could do great things, he was only 7. He didn’t deserve this.

The two had gone out of their normal hunting grounds, trying to bait find a dog to surprise Tommy with. His birthday was soon, and the two knew that he would love it. 

They had gone too far.

And it was with only dread and sorrow in their eyes that they watched themselves piss off an illager.

Their fate was sealed.

They did not want the angry tribe to take out the couple’s mistake on the entire village. They wanted their son to have a place to grow up in the community he knew. They wanted their son to have something to remember them by. Everyone in the village said they would help raise Tommy into everything he wanted to be- they would help with this.

Sadness evident in their games, the couple bought two empty discs and began recording their final words to their son.

A shaky breath. 

“Tommy. We want you to know that we love you very much. You are positively everything to us, and we wouldn’t give you up for the world.”

Another voice cuts in.

“We love you son. You can do great things if you put your mind to it.”

And the first voice is back.

“Please, never forget that you are worthy of everything. You are loved and appreciated. You’re a bright mark on everyone’s life.”

“Please remember that none of this was your fault.”

“You deserve the world.”

“You are loved.”

“You are appreciated.”

“You are amazing.”

“We’re sorry.”

.

.

.

“We love you.”

And with that, the two collected their beds and set off. They wouldn’t be stopping soon. Not until they were far, far away. The raid could  _ not _ reach their home.

Later that night, the two fought valiantly, but there’s not much the two villagers could do against a destructive mob, and it wasn’t long before there was nothing left except a pile of ash and charred wood blocks.

  
  


Tommy was skipping as he headed home, singing a song about the berries he had found, plump and juicy.

As he entered the gates of the village, he noticed a villager with a sad look on their face. He smiled at them. Everyone was happy when he smiled. They smiled back. He did not notice the strained tenseness around their eyes, or the pitiful looks from the rest of the village.

No one quite knew how to approach the child about what had happened. They watched as Tommy cheerfully skipped home. They watched as he slipped inside the house. They watched as a light turned on.

Tommy hummed as he put the basket full of berries down, noticing two small music discs on the counter. They were definitely new, so Tommy quickly slipped one in the jukebox before preparing to wash the berries.

A shaky breath.

“Tommy.”

Tommy froze as he heard the sound of his mother’s voice over the disc, soon followed by his father. He listened as they spoke words of praise and love. As they spoke of their fate. He was confused. They couldn’t be dead! He just saw them an hour ago! Mind made up, Tommy slips out his back door and out of the village, determined to find his parents. He ignores the thought that they’re truly gone. That he is alone. He  _ refuses to accept it.  _ The discs are still clutched in his hands as he runs. The sun is on the horizon and soon the mobs start spawning. Tears stream down his face as he desperately tries to deny what he knows is true. Soon, his motivation for running turns to fear. He’s never had to fight a mob before and he's far too distraught to fight something now. He trips over a root. Sprawling across the ground, Tommy cries and struggles to breath. He just wants to go home. He wants to go home and get a hug and feel his mom stroke his hair and be a family again. It’s dark, and he’s scared and tired, and desperately hunched over the discs that he had never let go of. He doesn’t know the way back home. It doesn’t matter. He’s about to die anyway.

Tommy curls up into his knees and his cries wrack his whole body. He can distantly hear a creeper hissing before the sounds of a sword cuts it off and he feels a hand on his back. The hand stays there while he cries and trembles and even as the cries taper off, the person does not move. Tommy cradles the discs as he turns to look at the person who just saved him. He sees brown, curly hair and a yellow sweater. This person is not from his village.

Neither Tommy, nor the stranger speak as he follows the stranger. He does not care of the risks. He just wants his parents.

  
  
  


Wilbur hears a faint yell in the distance, calling out a name in search. He walks away. He can take care of the kid. He won’t depend on the kid for anything and the kid will be reliant on him. Besides, he’s worried for the kid and genuinely wants to make sure he’s alright.

  
  


Phil was not prepared for a third kid.

✱✱✱

Tommy does not let the discs out of his sight, but he doesn’t listen to them again. There is a tidal wave of emotion just waiting to be released. He does not want to lose the only thing he has left, but he can’t quite bring himself to listen to something he knows he’ll never have again. The moment he had entered the house, a voice whispered to him.

“You are alone.” it said.

Tommy does not respond. He quickly finds a routine with the stranger who had saved him.  _ Wilbur,  _ he had introduced himself as. He holds the discs and does not protest as Wilbur takes care of him. He does not have the energy to, and the longing for comfort was too strong. It is thirteen days in when Phil and Techno come home, carrying loot and hunt from their excursion. They are not expecting Tommy. Tommy is not expecting them.

Phil is angry with Wilbur for bringing home a random, stray kid while they were away. 

Tommy locks himself in the room Wilbur had given him and stares at the discs as shouts rise from the floor beneath him. His throat feels tight and his vision blurs, but the tears do not fall. A loud “FUCK YOU!” permeates the air, muffled by the floorboards and Tommy flinches. He moves slowly, hesitating in his actions.

The shouting grows loud again and Tommy makes his decision, sliding the disc into a jukebox that he had made on a whim. The shouting seemed to fade away as the machine whirred before a shaky breath sounded clearly from it. The tears finally fall.

And just like that, the damn was broken. Tommy’s grief came fully through, and he listened to the discs on repeat, desperate to hear his parents voices even one more time. Phil, seemingly making the best of a bad situation, does his best to raise Tommy. Tommy can tell Phil doesn’t really know what to do with him, but Phil is nice, so Tommy does his best to be helpful. To prove his existence here. 

Techno does not seem to have emotion and the young boy longs to be like him .To feel anything other than the grief and hopelessness and feelings of imposing, or to feel nothing at all.

He and Wilbur grow very close. Wilbur enjoys having a little brother and Tommy, on a good day, feels happy when he does things with Wilbur. He even manages to act like his old self some days. The guilt of being too loud and in the way is crushing.

  
  


The voices in Tommy’s head scream at him that he’s unwanted, Unloved and undeserving of it. Tommy no longer listens to the discs to hear his parents, although he still misses them so much it’s painful. The discs are now his only reminder that someone out there might genuinely care for him. On the days where he and Wilbur fight, the discs are the only thing stopping him from joining his parents, although his parents are all that he wants.

He does not know how to grieve.The voices make it worse and he has no support. His adopted family knew nothing of his background, but years later, they have learned how to tell when Tommy is feeling down. They do not know he is always feeling down. He has learned how to hide it.

When Wilbur sets out to do his own things, Tommy follows. He does not want to be alone with Phil and Techno. He is 15 now, and Wilbur is 25. If the voices get a little less intense as they travel away, he does not say anything. In their bags they have food and armour, money and weapons. Tommy has his discs. They’re in the ender chest the two took with them for safekeeping. He does not get to listen to them all day, and by the time they make camp by a lake, he is wound up and jittery. He goes off to fight mobs and cries before heading back. He does not tell Wilbur.

Eventually they find the Dreamsmp. Wilbur and Dream hit it off and Niki welcomes the two.Tommy finds Tubbo.

Tommy finds Tubbo and feels a sense of wholeness and belonging that he hasn’t felt since… so he does his best to keep Tubbo around. Sure, Wilbur was great, but Tubbo felt like his old village and for the first time in a month, he relaxes. He has not listened to the discs yet but right now? He no longer feels the need to.

He and Wilbur end up settling in that town.

✱✱✱

When his discs get stolen, Tommy is justifiably upset. He still has days more often than not where he needs that reassurance and the sound of his mom and dad telling him they believe in him. When Tubbo asks what’s on the discs, he cannot bring himself to tell the truth.

“Just some music,” he settles on.

He  _ hates  _ Dream for taking his discs.  _ Loathes him _ . The voice are quiet, but even from this far away, they reach, shouting to destroy. To burn and steal and ravage until he can get the discs back. Until he has his family back.

When the opportunity comes to fight for L’manberg, Tommy jumps on it. He has a chance to make a town just like his old village and by god he wants it. The fact that he can fight for his discs too just cements the fact that he will never give up. His parents were right. He is determined. He can do anything he puts his mind to. So he fights alongside his new family, Wilbur and Tubbo, Niki and Fundy (and isn’t that weird. He knows Wilbur’s an adult but the concept is not something he wants to think about) and Eret all fighting for one united thing.

  
  


Eret betrays them.

  
  


That night, Tommy desperately ignores the voices telling him it was his fault. That he pushed Eret away. He aches to listen to his discs. He does anything and everything to fight the urge. He does not have the discs. It’s just a distraction.

The others yell at him for being reckless.

The wars and battles seem never ending and now all Tommy wants is to stop fighting. He only ever wanted community. He didn’t want this. He never wanted this. He thinks that maybe, if they have freedom, he’ll go back to not needing the discs to feel alive. It is not the voices this time, but his own thoughts telling him this is a shitty idea. But he decided he wouldn’t run away from his problems a long long time. He gives up his discs in exchange for freedom. He regrets this.

He fakes being happy and grieves for his parents again. He wants to hear their voices. Wants to hear them speak. He wants his discs back. 

He has a nation to run.

When they lose the election, it’s no big deal. Two seconds later, when Schlatt banishes them from their own home, Tommy feels like his entire world was pulled out from underneath him. Tubbo does not come with them and he feels like he’s 7 again, and just lost everything that ever mattered to him.

He doesn’t cry. Not in front of Wilbur. And when he shakes from the urge to go steal his discs, sneak into L’man-.... Manberg. And give Tubbo a hug, he blames it on lack of sleep and keeps mining. 

Eventually Techno comes. He makes sure his brothers are fed and helps them train, but his presence brings a tenseness that doesn’t go away. Neither brother had seen Techno in a very long time. The piglin-hybrid was always out fighting. He looked like he had fought someone very important. Tommy does not know if this life is worth the effort. He definitely knows it wasn’t worth his discs.

When Wilbur starts losing it, Tommy isn’t surprised. Looking back he can see it’s been a long time coming. Still he does not want to mourn his brother, let alone the entirety of L’manberg, so he fights to get the Wilbur he knows back. Just like his own mother, Wilbur is paranoid and angry and no longer trusts anyone. Not even Tommy.

He doesn’t get Wilbur back.

When Tubbo almost dies, that is the last straw for him. He tries to fight Techno. He doesn’t care how skilled Techno is. Or maybe he just doesn’t care if that fight kills him or not.

L’manberg blows up and Phil is disappointed in all of them (except Techno. He could  _ never  _ be disappointed with Techno) but Wil is dead, so really he’s just disappointed in Tommy. Tommy tries not to show how much that stings as Wilbur’s death, and the metaphorical death of his family hover over him. The voices are strangely quiet now, only exuding the very feeling of hopelessness and despair. He has no mom, no dad, no discs, no Wilbur, and no family.

But Schlatt is also dead and Tommy relishes a hug from his best friend. He just wants things to go back to normal. He doesn’t care. He cannot decide what he feels. He hasn’t listened to the discs in months. Techno tries to kill Tubbo again and whatever idolization Tommy felt for Techno is gone. There is only hatred.

It’s in this emotional turmoil that he lashes out, and apparently that is the straw that broke the camel’s back and he looks, with tears of betrayal in his eyes as the only person he cares about now banishes him from the only place he’s felt at home in since he was 7 years old. 

It’s clear that he cared for Tubbo more than Tubbo cared for him. Tubbo hates him now. It’s obvious. (There are tears in Tubbo’s eyes and a sadness in his movements that show this is the most painful thing Tubbo has ever done. Tommy doesn’t care.) He wants Tubbo to know it’s mutual. Tears are on the brink of falling.

“This discs were worth more than you ever were!” he cries.

_ I’m sorry. _ He thinks.  _ I love you _ .

But if this experience has taught him anything, it’s that that statement is true. The discs are worth everything. The discs were the only thing that’s constant. The discs are gone.

Tommy has nothing to live for. No family. No purpose. He contemplates joining his parents again, and for the first time, there’s no shaky breath- no sorrowful voices telling him they love him. That he is amazing. The voices that everyone in the adopted family seems to hear (and maybe someone should look into that) are still quiet, but they scream at him from a distance, telling him to do it. He wants his discs. He wants his Tubbo. He wants his family.

Dream finds him.

He does not get his discs.


End file.
